Not knowing what you want to do with your life is like having pieces of a puzzle but no where to put it. At university, I’m surrounded by people who are striving and working towards a goal, a career. They have it all sorted. Twenty years from now, they know what career path they want to be doing.
Me, on the other hand? I’m doing four subjects that I tolerate. They’re not the worst; they’re not the best. They’re interesting enough – enough to sit through for one semester; but not for a lifetime of study and work. They don’t make me motivated; they don’t make me want to learn about them; they’re kind of just ‘fillers’ – something to fill my time with until I figure out what I do want to do.
The thing is though, when will I figure that out? Not knowing drives me crazy. Not knowing scares me. I’m afraid I’m never going to figure it out; that I’ll just keep waiting and waiting for the day when the realisation hits me and it never does. I’m afraid I’ll be unhappy; that I’ll be in a job that I hate. More than anything though, I’m afraid I won’t succeed – that I’ll put all my effort into something and then fail at it.
That’s the thing about doing things that you tolerate – it really doesn’t bother you when you fail at them. Things that you like though? Things that you’ve desperately put your heart and soul into? That hurts.
I wish I was a fortune teller, just so I could look into my own future. I’m so impatient – it’s like skipping to the end of a book, just to read the part where the two people have a magical kiss and go off into the sunset together and live happily ever after.
How did you figure out what you wanted to be? Or are you undecided, like me?
Let me know in the comments! ❤